i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
