My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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