Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
