Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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