remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
