Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
