On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
