a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
