i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
