Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
