speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
