My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
