apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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