If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
