ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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