I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
