So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
