Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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