make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
