I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
