youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
