The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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