You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
