A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
