The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
