My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
