So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
