holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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