I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
