I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
