That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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