nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
