I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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