Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
