haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
