R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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