You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The adults are the big ones right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
