So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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