May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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