I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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