What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
