you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
