He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's the barista slut.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
