It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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