I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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