12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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