My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
