Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The power of my boobs compel you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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