Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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