I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
