I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
