imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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