I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
