Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
