You're completely useless in the revolution.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
