so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
